There is an event that has taken place the past 6 years around this time that I absolutely cannot stand. Where to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sounds like an easy issue doesn't it? Not when you have 3 families. And it started today. David's mom asked where we would be spending Thanksgiving and David and I have not talked about it at all. Surprise, because it stresses us both out. We have been saying for years that we need to come up with a plan so that it's fair and everyone rotates but we have yet to figure that one out. I have no idea how to rotate around 3 families for 2 holidays. My mom and David's parents are fine with whatever we choose but I feel like we need to put this into place so that my Dad and stepmom don't feel like they are getting the short end of the stick.
It's such an emotionally draining task and I don't think most people understand that. I feel like I am being pulled from all ends and I just want to make everyone happy (trust me I realize that will never happen). I want to split the time up evenly because I know that everyone wants to spend time with us. I just don't know how to do it.
I understand that my stepmom is difficult to get along with and David has many issues with her, as do I. However, my dad is in that household as well and whatever problems I have with my stepmom I try to put to the side because I love my dad and would really like to see him more than I currently do. They come as a package deal. So, I have to put up with some things I don't like so that I can hang out with my dad.
Anyway, I feel bad talking about my stepmother like this because as we speak she is surgery. A voluntary one so it's not something serious but regardless.
I just felt the need to vent. I hate this issue every year. It never gets easier and it's starting to make me hate the holidays, which I never wanted to happen.
We're in the same boat. What we do is split the holidays. Ken's family/My family (even though my parents are divorced). And then rotate every other holiday. This year his parents get Thanksgiving and my mom gets Christmas and then we switch - this is the same for all holidays (Memorial Day, 4th, Labor Day, etc.) So because we don't see my parents equally because of the three sets of parents - whichever parent we don't see often (usually my dad) we make a special trip to see - usually a 5-10 day trip in the summer. It'll only get worse once you have kids so get your system in place now. All the parents know what holidays they get ahead of time so nobody asks us. It helps end those guilt-inducing conversations...
ReplyDeleteGood luck. Divorce sucks for the kids even when we're grown up.