switching it up a bit

I hit a pretty low point this past weekend and it had to do with this weight loss struggle.  I confided in David all that was going on inside my crazy little head.  I told him about the binge eating that happens sometimes, which he had no idea about (that's because I hid it from him, how messed up is that?!).  I told him how I've just lost all motivation to lose this weight.  I had no desire to eat better and even less desire to exercise.

I knew I had to tell him because those thoughts are dangerous.  I've always been able to bounce back and climb back up on that wagon.  But the past few months I just haven't given a damn and that started to scare me.

This is where my incredible husband steps in.  He has told me that he will be my Jillian Michaels. He's going to tell me to do stuff and not put up with any of my excuses.  A list of rules is actually being made.  He's basically my trainer and it's absolutely what I need to get back on track.   I am also back to following WW which works really well (when I stay on it)!

We've even discussed the fact that I might call him names or scream at him when he wants me to do something healthy. I told him that I won't mean it but it's just the frustration that will make me say it and he needs to ignore it.  He can't take it personally and he needs to be strong like Jillian is when people scream and yell at her and call her names :)  Seriously, we talked about the "rules" for hours.  I'm all for this because nothing else I've been doing seems to be working.  Might as well take it in a whole new direction.

I'm almost a week into eating better and exercising and I already feel better.  I've actually been putting off talking about this on here because I probably have about 10 posts that say "I'm back on track and I feel great!"  It makes me feel like a failure and that's why I've hesitated writing this.

But I'm NOT a failure because here I am, trying it again.  I recognized that I couldn't do this on my own and asked for help.  And who better to do that then the one I see everyday, the one who truly loves me and wants me to be healthy and the one that's already lost over 70 pounds and is still going strong!  I feel blessed to have such a great husband.

This morning was actually a milestone for me.  I exercised before work!  That's never happened before.  I spent a miserable 30 minutes on the elliptical but like David said I did it, and that's what's important.  But jeez, that was brutal.  My body really didn't appreciate climbing out of a warm King size bed an hour earlier than normal, but....I did it.