Feeling productive!

Before the let's talk about why you aren't getting pregnant follow-up appointment with my RE this past Friday I was feeling so on edge and couldn't relax.  I just thought it was from all the stress that life has been handing out but after Friday I realized that it was because I had no idea what my next steps would be in the quest to get pregnant.  I was in limbo.  No idea what direction to go in, standing at that fork in the road confused as hell with no idea what might lay before us, good or bad.

We talked with him for a good amount of time and got all of our questions answered, and then some.  I left the appointment with my head spinning and the second I got into the car I burst into tears.

I knew it was going to happen, one of the many reasons I was avoiding making the appointment in the first place.  The conversation was just another reminder that this is all my fault.  The reason we don't have children yet is because of ME.  I know, I know, it's not my fault, I didn't ask for this and there's nothing I could have done to change how my body functions but it still hurts.  The most basic function we have, I'm incapable of. 

A small recap of what we found out on Friday:

• I need to have another HSG to get a look at what's going on in my uterus and fallopian tubes. 
• I need to finally have a laparoscopy to remove any endometriosis, the cyst on my left ovary and possibly a fallopian tube. (eek, didn't see that one coming!)
• I need to pick one of two Gynecological Oncologists (not because I have cancer, but because they are the best) who will perform that procedure. DONE!
• I need to schedule a consultation with them.  DONE! (thanks to David!) 
• David and I both need to get more bloodwork done to rule out chromosomal issues and I requested to get my thyroid panel checked again.
• (and my favorite) go back on birth control pills...yay!

As if all of that hadn't completely overloaded my brain, I decided to attend a fertility and adoption conference on Saturday...by myself.  It wasn't easy, that's for sure, but I knew I wanted to go because there were going to be speakers on topics that I really want to look into before our next IVF, mainly acupuncture and nutrition.

Since we now have a whole mess of things to do before our next IVF, there's time to focus on what's most important, me.  I'm researching the best foods for my body, changing my diet up a lot and I'm looking for an acupuncturist that specializes in infertility. I'm determined to do whatever I can to help us get pregnant.

So, it's busy busy around here and that's fine by me, because as I've learned, when I don't have a to do list, I go f*cking crazy!