The sounds of police car sirens are setting me off today. They are a daily occurrence outside where I work but today they are bringing back horrible memories of last Wednesday. I picture myself locked in an office terrified that a man with a gun and bombs will find us hiding in there. While my coworkers and I were locked in there we heard those sirens, sounds of cops blocking off all the roads surrounding our building in an attempt to lockdown the area because of a lunatic who invaded a place we thought was safe. That's what moment I'm brought back to every time I hear a siren. I really hope that feeling doesn't last.
Today is my first full day back to work since the incident and I have to admit that I've been counting down the hours and minutes until I can leave. I don't feel safe yet. Part of me hates that I feel that way and that I'm weak or something for feeling that way. All day people have been having the "where were you when it happened" and "what did you first think was going on" conversations and it makes me want to scream. I just want to forget about this. In my mind there is no point in re-hashing all of it but maybe everyone else is at a different stage than me.
There is an obvious increased security presence here today, a member from the FBI led a presentation to help us deal with the aftermath of trauma (which in hindsight I should have gone to), countless counselors and TONS of free food provided to us because food makes everyone feel better! It's very surreal. Our lobby is still closed and will continue to be for weeks. I think they are actually re-designing the lobby so that no one will think "hey, this is where they shot and killed that guy" as they walk through on their way to their desks.
**As I'm typing this I got an e-mail that the next round of free food (the 3rd round of the day!) is now available for us to munch on...seriously, it's kind of ridiculous**
You know, I actually think that I'm one of those people that counseling may help. This may be hitting me a little harder than I imagined. I most likely won't go talk to someone because I would have no idea what to say. Regardless, things will get better. But for now, things are still way too fresh in my mind. Just two more days at the office and then I don't have to come back for three days after that. Yep, I'm counting.
It was a traumatic event and I can only imagine how you feel. But yes, the counseling may help. Thats what the association I used to work for did - workplace counseling. You will be able to put the event in your past but it is part of your life experience now....just go day by day and one day, you will realize that everything is fine. And if that takes 3 years, so be it. We, your friends, will be here to get you through those days! :) We cant be at the office with you but we are only an email or call away!!!
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about you today! Take it one day at a time, if that doesn't work, try one hour at a time. It will get better. Put your headphones on and tune out all the noise.
ReplyDeleteTry counseling, even if you talk about something unrelated to what happened. It will help.
Love ya!
Thanks ladies! Your words mean a lot :)
ReplyDeleteThere are a few group counseling sessions tomorrow and if I feel the way I did today then I might go. They have one on one counseling too but I think even the group one could help. We'll see how I feel. It's nice knowing that I have friends like you guys around to support me :)
Thanks!
I can't even imagine Lina. You are surrounded by some pretty amazing people up there. Don't be afraid to lean on them. I bet they would be happy to help in any way they can. Here's to hoping the day goes by quickly, and tomorrow brings a better day.
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